The Jewish new year has begun and we have been sealed in the book of life once more. It is a blessing, a gift and a tragedy to witness both the beauties and horrors of what we’ve created. As I ruminated during the Days of Awe and on my birthday, I decided to focus on letting go of ego and those who don’t align with my life vision. I am still figuring out what this means/looks like for me.
I am brewing up a few essays on Olivia Rodrigo and teenage sadness, as well as a recommendation list for the best thrillers/horrors to watch in October. For now, here are some poems and beautiful things:
September 23, 2023
I want stillness in the morning,
not to diminish time
but to relish in its sanctity.
I want to replenish before I am thirsty,
nourish the quiet quench of surrender.
My tongue is an exhausted advocate.
It has twisted, pulled and stumbled over itself
in defense of my mind.
Anyone would be tired of it - to play a game
that one never chose to enter. And yet,
as 5784 took hold of my Venusian heart,
my ego found an exit route.
I want to be slow with anyone who will
let me lay down without reason and to avoid
anyone who is a silent bystander in my unraveling.
I want to show up for each other when the loneliness
sinks in and the ravenous crave of friendship circles us.
In the darkness, I want to yell out directions and give
you my hand.
Nothing equal ever came from
lopsided anecdotes or one way streets,
just avoidant gazes and accidents.
In this struggle, I want to hold onto each other
out of love for the other. If this is not the base,
then I want it all to collapse.
The reviving soul will only receive
forgiveness in words of gratitude, commitment
and the simple promise of a humble spirit.
May 2023
Windows are luckless overseers,
surveying longing wanderers and
violent mishaps.
Though the day is filled with panic,
the sun’s beams are grazing my arm,
warming my vitamin deprived skin.
I am scorned by rejection emails,
lack of responses, unfulfilled invoices,
endo flare ups, jaw pain and
car maintenance —
seemingly temporary troubles
but these longterm effects, like anything else,
are hazardous to the psyche. All at once, they build up
and everything is blurred. How can anything be beautiful
again?
The flowers bloom like clockwork and suddenly maybe
it is possible to feel joy amidst all the sorrow,
the pressure, the scarcity and the pain.
I am reminded of these moments when I hold my love
close to me after a few days of not seeing each other,
when my babushka steps out onto the deck to feel
the breeze nestle its way across her curly hair,
when I catch up with a friend whose voice I haven’t heard since
before they started taking testosterone, when I hear them laugh
as this new version of themselves, when Zeb reminds me of how
profound platonic love can be, when Lora goes into one of their
self-analysis tangents, when I see my parents resting on vacation.
Zeb says to me, “beautiful loving companionship
is what life is meant for.”
And I am reminded in that moment,
even in the darkest pits of this lifetime,
It is always the people you love
who will pull you into the light.
A really wonderful read to start the day ❤️